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Freddy Vs Jason - 2003

Rating out of 5 possible lobsters :


Finally! This is what I have been waiting for ever since I hit puberty and owned my first Dokken cassette(Nightmare on Elmstreet Part 3... the awful music video at the first.. thatís Dokken!)!  Iíve been a pretty big Freddy and Jason fan ever since the mid to late 80s when I hit my teenage years and started getting into Horror films, Fangoria and Swank!  Now that Iím 29, did it corrupt me... hell yes! Seeing gore or pussy just doesnít do much for me anymore... but anyway thatís not the point! The point is that finally Jason and Freddy are put up against each other in what Iím calling the movie event of the 2004 Fiscal Year!

Was it worth the wait? Did it live up to the hype?  Well yes and no.  If Destinyís Child never existed I would be about to write a pretty good review but since that Kelly bitch almost single handed ruined the movie Iím afraid my review is mixed.  The good news is that Freddy and Jason donít let you down.  Freddy is funny and full of energy, Jason is just Jason... a fucking killing machine.  Their show-down is nothing short of classic.  Just waiting for the big finale is the problem.

The movie starts off pretty good.  You get the run down of both Freddy and Jasonís backgrounds so you know whatís going on(not that most of us need it).  Basically itís all about Freddy calling on Jason to do some dirty work for him.  He summons him to Elmstreet so he can scare up some kids and get the town talking about Freddy.  Seems that everyone has forgotten about Freddy and because of that Freddy is in limbo, unable to kill anyone until he can muster up some past fear.  Jason is able to step in and help Freddy gain some fear factor back but once Jason gets out of control by killing Freddyís teens, Freddy takes it personal and decides he has to step in and send Jason back to the bowels of Crystal Lake. That takes us up to a killer one-on-one battle.  The fight takes place in two settings. The first in Freddyís familar Boiler Room Dreamland where Freddy has the advantage and then finally at Camp Crystal Lake where Jason obviously has the advantage. Pure porn for 80s horror fans!!!

So what about the rest of the movie... like the guts of it and the teenagers caught in the middle of the power struggle between Freddy and Jason... Well fuck Ďem all!  Horrible is all I can say.  Besides a few titty shots... they were not needed whatsoever. Nothing bothered me more than how they figured out what Jason and Freddy were up to... the fucking Scooby Doo Gang couldnít have done it better! And of course why is Kelly Rowland acting as a teenager, or better yet why is she in a movie period?  She is awful! Just hearing her swear made me laugh. She was totally uselesss and unbelieveable in her role.  And she lasted way too long too!  Freddy fucks her up good though... just not quick enough. 

That being said, I can only give Freddy vs Jason a 3 lobster rating. Thereís too much in between that makes you want to go get popcorn or piss on a toilet seat to kill time. 

And no I wonít say who wins but will say that the winner didnít surprise me. Canít stop that maniac!

Henry's Comments

 "The movie ĎKrammer Vs Krammer; should have been."

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