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Halloween: Resurrection(2002) - By T-Dawg

Rating out of 5 possible lobsters :



Pulling into the local drive in for a horror movie double bill I had anticipated a night of cheap thrills, and guilty pleasures. Actually scratch that those are the thoughts that ran threw my twisted mind when I ordered some streaming video from Danni’s Hard Drive. But that’s another review that I will be going over with my therapist.

 The movie opens with Jamie Lee Curtis doing some forced voice over narrative work that tries to give deep meaning to the Myer’s mythology but all it ended up doing was cause people to start there engines and flee from the drive in. I was not one of those people I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel on Mike Myer’s yet. After Jamie Lee Curtis’ have baked Boy Scout trick to catch her L’il Bro in a snare and then her anti climatic plunge from the series I was reaching for the keys to the car.

 But then Busta Rhymes made an appearance like a cloud of dense smog. The real scares of the movie started when I heard the words “Dangertainment” uttered, I jumped from the front seat of my car and looked to see if the night sky was falling. After the initial shock wore off I was struck again by the contestants that were chosen for this reality internet show. I saw the worst guy from American Pie and the guy from Save the Last Dance – I quickly reached for the Visine to cleanse my blurred vision. My senses were being bombarded on all fronts.

 The realm of reality collapsed like a house of cards when I saw how clear and vibrant the video feed from the internet was compared to what we actually see for the most of the movie. I will never look at Pulp Fiction the same again after the movie bastardized the coolness of that film by having the proverbial Geek of the movie dress up as John Travolta’s character at a Halloween party. Note to self Guy – going in another room alone at a party to watch a live internet reality show equals a life time of torment and inhumanly amounts of masturbation until age 48.

 Full of convoluted clues to the back story of Mike Myers was painful to watch. Not one notable death sequence, not one legitimate scare and an awful explanation to how he lived being decapitated in H20 (a far superior film) must have had John Carpenter laughing his ass off. The most notable rip off this movie did was of the Blair Witch project amongst others. The only thing that has me giving this movie a lobster is the fact that in the asylum Mike Myers gives his knife to a serial killer obsessed lunatic. Guess that’s how he’ll come back in Halloween 9. There are no treats at this film all tricks. I wanted to “Drive In” to a telephone pole on the way home! One lobster for this franchise that hopefully will never be resurrected to see the light of day again!

Henry's Comments

 "Knowing Busta is in it is enough to drive me away!"