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Hellraiser: Revelations aka Hellraiser 9(2011)

Rating out of 5 possible lobsters :


Ok, so the trailer for this shitathon was posted on the HMTS Facebook page quite some time ago, after viewing it I was in no rush to ever see the latest Hellraiser. There is nothing worse than the whole first person view through a camera.  Thankfully itís not the whole way through.  It starts off with a couple of douchebags named Steven and Nico going to Mexico to get their dicks wet with some Mexican hookers.  Nico goes Ape Shit and kills one of Mexicoís finest in a bathroom stall while his buddy Steven accidentally video tapes it after he passes out. Ok, this is where this movie gets me really angry... the character from the original movie(beard guy who was eating bugs) shows up and gives the Hellraiser box to Nico and says that heís been watching him... probably with his youtube username ďbugsinmybeardĒ... Nico asks the man how much for the box and the bearded bug eating man says itís already yours... deep!

Nico, like many today canít get enough of himself on camera and has Steven video tape him while he opens the Hellraiser box.  Iím guessing the budget on Hellraiser 9 may be a little low as instead of walls cracking and weird shit happening, the lights go dark and Pinhead just walks out like he was in the bathroom taking a dump and is looking for more toilet paper. Oh and like you have probably heard... itís not the original Pinhead(Doug Bradely)... itís some other jackass who looks like Joe Elliot from Def Leppard with no hair and a bunch of nails all over his face and head.  Your suffering shall be lengendary, now Pour some Sugar on Me!

We are then introduced to Nico and Stevenís family who havenít seen their boys and police are baffled to where they are.  They found their video camera(of course...) and the Hellraiser box... All of a sudden Steven shows up but is it really Steven? Nope!  This is where it goes back to ripping off the original. What appears to be Steven is actually Nico.  The movie jumps back and shows that Nico escaped from Pinhead and friends as Steven started to bang a Mexican hooker of his own and split her head open on his matress that Nico was on when he opened the box.  The hookerís blood then freed Nico and started to reform his body... remember the bloody Frank from the original and the fancy regeneration scene?  Well looks like they have no cash here for this movieís effects so it just shows a bloody Nico come out from under the covers on the matress beside the bleeding hooker. I laughed out loud.  True story.

The final showdown between Nico, the families, Pinhead and the Cenobites is quite entertaining.  Pinhead mentions a Flesh Deficit and iím in agreement as Hellraiser Revelatitions only showed titties once...


Henry's Comments

 "You know something is awesome when itís 75 minutes long(porno length minus the porn)... 70 minutes of movie and 5 minutes of credits."


Hellraiser Revelations Trailer from Youtube: