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The Item(1999)

Rating out of 5 possible lobsters :


"Something is dying to get out"

If you haven't seen the Item you have no idea what you are missing! Go rent it! NOW before the rest of the world realizes how cool it is and steals all the copies at your local video  store! The box may make it look like a Jeepers Creepers rip off but let's get the story straight... The Item is from 1999 not 2001 like Jeeps Creeps and it is way better!

A group of four felon friends are instructed to pick up a mystery package(the item) from a crazed scientist and hold on to it for 24 hours. 'The Item' is then to be picked up by their anonymous client  and the felons are to be paid for their easy work. However, things start to get a bit crazy  after the group decides to take the item to the leader of the packs(Alex) girlfriend's place and wait out the  24 hours. Upon their arrival, a group of transsexual mishaps are disposed of by the group in an extremely bloody way and of course their curiosity gets the best of them and they  decide to see exactly what the mystery item really is.

Once they awake the Item from it's box things even get more weird and even more bloody!  The Item plays with the minds of the felons and one by one they all let out their frustrations on each other in very deadly ways. Not only is this movie very weird and bloody but it's even kinky!  Let's just say the Item gets lucky at the end of this and it's one freaky sight!

For what it's worth I thought the Item was one of the coolest low budget movies I have ever seen.  Dan Clark has really created a master piece. Not only did he write and direct this bad boy but he  also starred as the main felon Alex who has quickly become my new hero. I really liked his character in the movie. Very well done. I also dug the style of the film. People will probably say the style ripped off a dozen movies but let's not forget this was made in 1999 and was well ahead of everything else that has come out recently. The camera work and sound effects and slick and keep up the movie's  intense pace. The story and characters were also well done. You really get into the heads of all the felons which was nice to see.

The only flaw of the movie is that it's low budget. The Item itself looks awful. Pathetically  cheap looking worm but I'm not going to hold that against a movie I enjoyed so much. The picture quality  resembles that of a camcorder as well but after 5 minutes you couldn't even notice anymore.

Overall this is a full 5 lobster rating! Yeah baby yeah! Gotta love it.

Henry's Comments

 "The Item must have one big 'item' on him to satisfy that Bangkok whore!"