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Reign in Darkness(2002)

Rating out of 5 possible lobsters :


Sweet Jesusssssssss!

Man oh man! Want to see a really bad movie? Did you like the Matrix and Blade? Well if you loved those blockbusters chances are you will absolutely hate Reign in Darkness! This has to be worst rip-off movie I have ever seen in my whole entire life! There's no even trying to hide that fact that it's a pure rip-off! No originality  whatsoever and the actors... well I'll rant on them in just a bit!!!

Michael Dorn, a molecular biologist, is in the process of trying to develope a cure for HIV. Little does he  know that what he is really working on is a dangerous virus that infects people and turns them into really bad acting, annoying vampires who weigh 165lbs and make you wonder how they landed roles in an action  movie when they look like stunt doubles for Mr Rogers or MTV Vjs! Sweet Jesussssss!!! Anyway after Michael Dorn becomes infected with this outrages virus he becomes a vampire and he sets out to look for a cure and to get back at the company he developed the virus for before a laughable bounty hunter named Lance tracks him down and whoops  his ass. And believe me that wouldn't be hard. Michael Dorn is the first pussy movie star I think I have ever seen.  He's playing a rip-off character of Blade and Neo(Matrix) and he looks like he's the guy who sends out  late return notices from the local library! He's not even man enough to put the books back on the shelves! And then there's the Bounty Hunter Lance!!! Sweet Jesusssss! This guy just plain sucks! His acting and lines  will make you bust a gut! Although he was a pretty horrid actor, he was probably the only thing entertaining about this movie and for that I give him props! Rock on Lance!

I can't be bothered going on about this movie much longer. It just sucked. It's a great one to watch with a group of drunk people. Lots-o-laughs! Basically we have Michael Dorn going around fighting his urges for blood, blowing up stuff(never shows the explosions) and making Lance look like he's a pretty cool guy.  You have to see this one to believe it. It's actually up there with Silent Night, Deadly Night 2! Eric Freeman, aka  Ricky Caldwell now has some competetion from Lance!!! Sweet Jesussssss!!!

Some of Lance's classic lines from Reign in Darkness:

Sweet Jesus


Out of Business

Pointless Machine Gun Rampage

Henry's Comments

 "I hate to sound childish but Micael Dorn is Gay!"