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Retro Puppet Master

Rating out of 5 possible lobsters :
 

 

 

Absolutely brutal! I remeber seeing Puppet Master part 2/3 and was amazed by how cool they were! What the hell happened! This is like the seventh  Puppet Master movie so firstly the people at Fullmoon Pictures(fullmoonpictures.com) are really milking the series for all it's worth!

This latest movie is once again about  Andre Toulon and his little fucked up puppets. I could have sworn part 3 enlightened us on how  Toulon gave the puppets life but for some reason Retro Puppet Master needs to tell us once again and strangely enough it's a whole new story...interesting...do you think we are stupid Fullmoon Pictures(fullmoonpictures.com)?  This time it goes back to when Toulon is a young lad working in a theatre where he entertains  the locals with his crappy puppet shows. Some 3000 year old guy(Afzel) ends up telling Toulon the secret of life  that he stole in Cairo where he can make unliving things living! There are 3 really bad acting guys in black trench coats chasing after the 3000 year old guy so Toulon ends up learning the  secret of life so when the 3000 is killed someone will be able to keep the secret alive...awwww how sweet. Anyway the 3 bad acting bad guy kill the 3000 year old Afzel and Toulon's staff at his theatre  while he away. Toulon comes back and takes all their dead bodies and transfers their lives into  his puppets. I think I'd rather go to hell then live eternity as a retro puppet working  for Fullmoon Pictures(fullmoonpictures.com)! After killing Afzel and Toulon's buddies the 3 bad guys realize Toulon knows the secret of life so they need to kill him as well. Their first attempt to kill Toulon fails and one of the bad guys is even killed. Nothing worse then being killed by badly animated puppets! Now the 2 bad guys left over decide to kidnap Toulon's woman and hold her hostage so Toulon will come and try to rescue her. Yeah so he does just that... him and his puppets kick the remining 2 bad guy's asses and all is once again well with the world.

People don't rent this shit. It is not humorous in anyway...it has no nudity...the acting is horrid... the plot is awful...the puppets look like barbie dolls and when they move all they do is move their arms up and down and shake their heads... etc and etc. Also for the first 15 minutes of the video tape FullmoonPictures advertises itself so many times  it almost made me sick...they want you to log on to the net and buy their little toys! They don't care about the movie they make...they just want to sell toys! Don't be a fool and fall for this shit! It's easy to tell almost no thought goes into the current movies they have released! Also check out my review  for their other latest film Blood Dolls!

Henry's Comments

 "When the movie actually started I was brainwashed by their websites that I didn't care what I was watching! I just logged  onto fullmoonpictures.com and fullmoontoys.com and ordered everything they told me to! YEAH WHAT FUCKING EVER!"