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Slashers(2002)

Rating out of 5 possible lobsters :
 

 

 "Six contestants... Three Slashers... No prisoners!"

Fucking torture I tell ya! I dare anyone to go out and rent this peice of shit that somehow  made it's way onto DVD! Jesus! I first saw the preview around Xmas time and it looked rather amusing  and gorey but when it actually came to watching the entire film there was nothing amusing or gorey about it at all! Oh what a waste of 96 minutes!

Six lucky American contestants appear on the hit reality show Slashers! The show is based in Japan and consists of people running around through a set of rooms trying to avoid being killed by 3 'Slashers'. If they survive the allocated time for the show they take home big money. Also, if any of the contestants manage to kill any of the slashers during the show they up the winnings by 2 million a pop. Sounds like a pretty cool idea for a movie and maybe it would have been if someone else besides Kaboom Films did it!!! That should have been  my first hint that this would suck ass!

It agonizes me to reflect on this film and try to review it... The 6 Americans pretty much all sucked and you don't  end up giving a sweet fuck if any of them survive! We have our usual horror cast. The smart girl who has political views... usually hot but won't show us anything! The sexy air head! The sexy tough bitch who gets killed right away from being over confident. The black man who sticks to himself and seems to have everything worked out! The latino  who says nothing but "Ohhh Shit" and thinks he's one tough Taco! And of course the white guy who wants to fuck everyone over! Then we have the 3 slashers... Chainsaw Charlie, some crazy Doctor Dude and a Mortician guy of some sort.  These guys shouldn't have been allowed to speak! They were way to over the top and anything but scary!

The only highlight of the movie was watching the introduction of the game show and the ever so hot Japan hostess Micho!!! Damn girl! You fine! Besides that there isn't much here. The acting is bad, the gore is pathetic and there's barely any T&A!!! Leave this one on the shelf and get Rollerball instead! From what I hear it's Oscar worthy compared to this shit!

Henry's Comments

 "I have nothing to say. This movie drained my will to live!"