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Star Wars Episode 2 Attack of the Clones(2002)

Rating out of 5 possible lobsters :


 "A Jedi Shall Not Know Anger. Nor Hatred. Nor Love."

Well it's better than The Phantom Menace but still isn't that great! It's certainly not  worth camping out front of a theatre for a few months like those losers in Seattle are doing!

I'd like to give a great review but the story of the movie wasn't my cup of tea(too political... in a geeky way!)  and I can't spell  anyone's name or planet so fuck it! Who comes up with these names?!?!? Naboo, Count Dooku and Jango?!?!  It all sounded like my grade 8 Sex Education classes when we were covering STDs! Next time I go to the doctor I'm going to tell her I have a cheesy discharge that I believe it may be the Kamino Clap and need to go for a Palpatine test. Frig, what  happened to names like Steve and Leonardo Decaprio?

Anyway... The movie did offer some very cool fight scenes. Espcially with Jango Fett! But alas, he was misused and  barely used! Coolest character and you pretty much ignore him! Damn you Lucas!  The rest of the movie is just a bunch of random  scenes on various planets with plenty of silly looking CGI monsters and villians. There's was some good comic relief with C3-P0 and R2-D2. C3-P0's one liners near the end are priceless! Much better than that Jar Jar Binks in the  first Episode. Oh and speaking of funny... Yoda! We have all seen him hobble around with a cane but what until you see him use a light saber and kick some darkside ass! That little bastard has been playing possum! Where did he learn those moves??? I guess when you go from puppet to CGI character you fall victim to the George Lucas  Over the Top action! Why is everyone praising the special effects thus far? The old Sinbad movies looked better in some parts! As for the love story... no comment at all! AWFUL!

I'm sure many of you will rush out to the theatres this weekend and check out the Clones but really you should wait. There's no rush to wait in line with a bunch of losers who haven't left the house in months just to see this.  If I do end up seeing it again, in a theatre environment, I will gladly wait or not go at all and save 9 dollars. It will be on FOX next year anyway.

Henry's Comments

 "Yodas fight scene is the only thing worth seeing. Fuck you up good... I will!... HHHmmMMmmMM!!!"